Landmarks

Scence: RJ and I are on the phone. RJ in Vancouver me at home.

RJ: Have you decided on your route to The Lake?
K: I've Googled it and it says to go through Montreal.
RJ: There could be traffic or construction. Why don't you go the other way through Hawksbury.
K: I don't know that way very well and I've never driven it by myself.
RJ: You'll be fine. You'll know it when you see it.
K: I don't know. I don't think we've ever taken the same way twice.
RJ: You'll be fine. At that one point there is a McDonalds and a golf course on the one side.
K: What?
RJ: You know were we turn.
K: You're giving me 'RJ' type landmarks and not 'Karen' type.
RJ. Oh come on. There is that intersection that we get to and you always say "Turn left here, I know where I am now."
K: You're kidding me?? I can't use those directions, I'll get lost for sure.
RJ sighs : Go through Montreal then.
K: We are so different.

Wanted: DJ that likes music

Scene: Wedding in Chicago, I have been selected to give the DJ our table's song request

K: Hi! are you taking requests?
DJ: Yup
K: We'd like to hear B52's Love Shack

The DJ grimaces as thought I've just pulled out 3 nose hairs

K: What? Did someone already request it? Do you not have the song?
DJ: I'd rather shoot myself than play that song.

Isn't Love Shack on the wedding reception top 25 list? It's not like I asked for the Chicken Dance! It's him not me right?

Repitition

Scene: Entering our friends NY beach house to meet their two kids.

6 yr old: Excuse me RJ.....Do you like OJ?

RJ: Yes, I do.

6 yr old and 4 yr old together -giggle giggle giggle giggle-

Parents: They have been practicing that question all week.

Grandparents: ALL week.

RJ and the OJ Gang.

Soaking it up

K: Well the ads are up on Kijiji, now we have to wait for a response. But everyone is outside in the nice weather so it won't be until later tonight maybe tomorrow we'll get some reaction.

RJ: It's like crab fishing Karen. You have to set the pots and let them soak.

K: You are watching way too much Deadliest Catch.

ROTFL

Scene: RJ and I at the dinner table

K: J from work says the Scientist Girl from LOST reminds him of Liz Lemon.

RJ chewing his food.

K: I can see that. Those glasses and the shoulder length wavy brown hair. But she has a different accent than LL.

RJ: Your guy is a Smoke Monster, that's a deal breaker!

K pauses and then starts laughing. Loudly.

It's not often RJ is that quick with the witty comments that I laugh out loud....for hours. But that one... I'm still laughing now.

That Corner I Shouldn't Know

Scene: Watching the first round of The Masters. The commentators are talking about Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicholas and their careers highlights.

K: Why are they showing us the tops of trees against the sky?
RJ: It's not very interesting.
K: I think they are missing some sort of statistic or graph.
RJ: Maybe.

The screen now shows a golf hole on the course.

RJ: Well that more scenic.
K: That's the 12th hole part of Amen Corner. The one with the bridge.

Silence

K: Did I just say that? Did I get that right?
RJ: You got it right.
K: Oh no. What's happening to me?
RJ: Give in to the Golf Side Karen.
K: Oh geez no. I even know that holes 11, 12 and 13 make up Amen Corner.
RJ: Oh yeah, you're in now.
K: ah, but I don't want to 'be in'.

What's that smell?

RJ: We need to give Bauer a bath.
K: Really? Why?
RJ: He smells like a snowbank.

I wonder how that happened.

Found it!

We were at the park throwing the frisbee with Bauer when 3 kids came running up to us asking if they could throw the frisee for Bauer. RJ handed the slightly slobbered frisbee to the oldest Girl while the Boy chatted us up.

Boy: Is your dog a boy or a girl?
RJ: It's a boy.
Boy: Huh, I don't see his wiener.
RJ: Well, it's there.

Bauer comes back with the frisbee and the Boy lies down on the grass beside Bauer and looks up between his legs.

Boy: Oh, there it is.


This happened 3 weeks ago and RJ and I still laugh at it.

Coffee Pubs, the final frontier.

As Jen and I were heading out of Stratford Saturday night, I saw the sign for William's Coffee Pub. Jen and I have gone a few times to the one in Waterloo and enjoyed it. I had recently found out that the first 'Williams' was in Stratford, so I thought I'd share this with her.

K: Look there is Williams Coffee Pub.
J: Did you want to stop for coffee?
K: No. But did you know that the first one originated here is Stratford?
J: That's cool.
K: Yeah. It's explains why it's named 'William'.
J: Yeah, William Shatner.
K: William Shatner! What !?! No!!
J: I didn't mean Shatner, I meant Shakespeare.
K: I don't know Jen. I think your inner-Trekkieness is starting to seep out.


(Jen told me last week that she is a big Star Trek fan. I didn't know this. She watched all the Star Trek series and while she doesn't have any visible Trekkie characteristics, obviously Cptn. James T. Kirk is on her mind a lot more that she realizes.)

Nervous of the countryside

Scene: I'm driving and taking the long way to the dog kennel because I thought I was immune to bridge construction detours and could sneak over without any problems. I was wrong.

K: Where’s the dog?
RJ: Sitting behind you, looking out the window.

RJ: I wonder if dogs ever get nervous when you drive for too long in the country.
K: What!?!
RJ: Well, do think they think you are driving farther and farther away to drop them off in the middle of nowhere.
K: That’s horrible. I would never do that.
RJ laughing

K: I’d drop you off in the middle of nowhere before I’d drop off the dog.
RJ: I’d find my way home.
K: How?
RJ: The GPS in my phone.
K: Note to self…….

Obey the Lei

Last Thursday a co-worker and I discussed the Café Disco episode of The Office.

K: As I was watching I knew we had the perfect spot for a Café Disco
CW: Yeah, that empty back room would be awesome.
K: Ok, we can do this. We can get this together.
CW: I have a disco ball in the shape of a Smirnoff Ice bottle?
K: Excellent. I have the Hawaiian lei.
CW: Done.
K: We need music and a limbo pole and some lights.
CW: I think a smoke machine would be fun.
K: I think you just took this to a whole 'notha level.

**Update** Today I found out that our Café Disco has been turned into a storage room. And yes the original Michael Scott Paper Company was also a storage room, I see the irony here. But they put in permanent metal shelving and it's too hard to limbo/dance around.

Tonight is the season finale of The Office. Overall it was a good season. Lots of changes. Some really funny episodes and sadly not funny ones too. Maybe they are going through a transition phase. Old characters come back new ones leave. Let's hope they know what they're doing.

I also started watching 30 Rock this season. I think the Mama Mia episode last week sealed the deal, I am a fan now. "Dot Dot Dot Fun Dot Dot Dot Great."

Roller Coaster of Emotion

Saturday night 6pm the doorbell rings. Bauer runs to the door barking. I point a finger at RJ and then the door. (The international sign for “you get it”) RJ rolls his eyes and walks to the door.

RJ: Karen do you have any money
I go to see what he wants to by.
K: Yes
GG: Hi I’m with the Girl Guides would you like to buy a box of cookies?
RJ: Yes please. How much are they?
GG: $4
RJ: Okay we’ll take one box. What flavours are there?
GG: Chocolate and vanilla
RJ looking at me “Which kind do you want?
GG: You get both of them in the same box.
RJ: Sweet.

I pay the GG she thanks us and leaves. I walk into the kitchen and RJ already has the box open. We snack on a few cookies.

RJ: Whew, I was a roller coaster of emotion there.
K: What? When?
RJ: When I was answering the door. I didn’t want to go because people are always trying to sell us stuff and I’m tired of that. Then when I saw the little girl I thought I’m going to have to say no to her so I was sad. But when I saw the box that said cookies on it I was excited. At last someone has come to the door with something I want to buy. Now I'm very happy.
K: You are also very weird.

Bionic Animals

Scene: Standing in the kitchen looking at the herbs on the table that need to be planted.
K: I guess I should get those herbs in the planter soon. Where should I put it so the rabbits don’t get at them?
RJ: Huh, I don’t know.
K: I guess we could pull out the patio table and I could put them on that.
RJ: You don’t think the rabbits will get up on the table?
K: No. Do you?
RJ: Yeah.
K: Really? They aren’t Super Bunnies. They don’t fly.
RJ: Well yeah but they jump.
K: They hop. They don’t leap tall tables in a single bound.
RJ: sigh :o)
K: They can’t climb like squirrels.
K and RJ: Squirrels!!!

What am I to do? Where should I put them so the rascally rabbits and super squirrels won’t get at them?

The herbs from R to L: basil, italian oregano, garlic and parsley.

Twits Tweeting

K: Have you been on Facebook recently?
RJ: Nope
K: Well it was Molly's Birthday on Monday. (Bauer's girlfriend)
RJ: Facebook is so yesterday. It's all Twitter now.
K: Ugh. What could you or I possibly have to Twitter about?
RJ: It's what's now, what's cool. Take a look (points to his blackberry)
K: Ugh, seriously?
RJ: I wanted to follow some news feeds. I literally opened an account 20 minutes ago.
K: Then literally 20 minutes ago you became a weenie.


I'm not saying Twitter-ers are weenie's, just this one is. Love you honey!


But then again, let's look at my coolness rating. I don't even own a cell phone. I can't come up with more three blog posts a week. My tweets wouldn't be as interesting at The Office Chair's. (What a following he has!)

Just one?

Scene: Drug store parking lot in Brockville. I went in for shampoo while Jen stayed in the car with Ollie. When I got back Jen commented on the full bag I came out with.

J: That looks like a lot of shampoo.
K: I got a few other things. Most importantly Mini Eggs. One for you and….
J: Oh no! I can’t.
K: Oh, don’t give me that Lent excuse. It’s almost over.
J: Karen!! I have gone 38 days without chocolate or candy. You are not going to make me cave now!
K: Ya, I can tell.
K: Fine, we’ll save them until Sunday.
J: Fine. Good. Ok.

J: How many did you get?
K: Just the two.

K: Ok, you can have mine as well.

Only 130 more calls

Scene: Sitting in my desk at work. A co-worker from the Sales Dept calls me

K: Hey co-worker what's up?
CW: Hey, is today your birthday?
K: No.
CW: Really?
K: Yup. But thanks for the happy un-birthday phone call.
CW: Yeah, no problem. All the best!
K: Okay, thanks. So what can I do for you?
CW: Nothing.
K: You just called to see if it was my birthday?
CW: Yup.
K: Ok then. Later
CW: Later.


A few questions:
1) Why does he think it's my birthday?
2) When I told him it wasn't my birthday why didn't he ask me when it was? (Which is the most interesting thing about the male mind. Any woman, having made this mistake, would have asked when it was)
3) Is this going to go on for the another 130 days until he gets it right?

A Story in 3 Posts ~ The End

Post 3: October 17th, 9:30pm, St. Jacobs Playhouse.

During the play intermission RJ and I couldn't help but notice that we were two of the youngest people in the audience. By at least 20 years. The play was good but it definitely catered to their 60+ target audience. The majority of the jokes were physical slap-stick comedy and some what predictable, to us. The older crowd loved it. They were hitting their knees as they laughed out loud. Women were wiping tears from their eyes as the unlucky actor got his head stuck in the gramophone, for the third time. One woman was laughing so hard she was rocking back and forth in her chair and I swear I heard her say "I've got to go pee!". Sitting among all this RJ and I couldn't help but be entertained by the play and mostly by those watching it.

I commented to RJ that I thought the older crowd was doing a good job of staying awake during the late performance, unlike a certain someone I was sitting beside. (Ten minutes after the start of the performance I saw RJ's head slip forward.) We joked that they had probably not skipped their afternoon nap, unlike RJ. To clarify, we were saying this all in fun and mostly to make fun of RJ. But something about this conversation lead RJ to say the following.

RJ: By the way I have a confession to make.

K: What?

RJ: The day before your prune juice exploded I noticed that the bottle was a little out of shape.

K: What!!

RJ laughing: During lunch I noticed that the bottle had ballooned on one side and then I tried to move it but it was lodged between the two shelves.

K: Wait a minute, you saw this and didn't think to mention it to me? The bottle was lodged in the pantry, didn't look normal and you didn't think to tell me?

RJ: I did, but I forgot. laughing loudly and starting to lean in the other direction anticipating a swat from me

K laughing: So Tuesday night after it exploded and I commented on the odd shape of the bottle, that didn't jog your memory either??

RJ laughing, he can't talk.

K: You are unbelievable. You decide to tell me this now.

RJ: You can't get angry at me in a public place.

After our laughing settles down:

RJ: Whew, I've been carrying that around for a while. It feels good to get it off my chest.

K: You bum.


So that's the end of this saga. Was that a huge sigh of relief I just heard?


Okay back to cute pictures of the puppy.

A Story in 3 Posts ~ The Middle

October 14th, 9pm, Dansbury Bonus Room


We were watching the election coverage. It's always a little awkward at the beginning when the votes are just starting to dribble in. The reporters need something to talk about and even if the officials have only counted one ballot box and the MP in that area is ahead by 27 votes, well gosh darn it, we need to report that to the people. Ah, the media.


Suddenly I heard a very loud sound. Like a baseball bat hitting our garage door but it came from the back of the house. Immediately I turned to face RJ.

K: Did you hear that?

RJ: Yeah. What was it?

K: I don't know.

No movement from RJ.

K: Ok, I'll go look and fend off any intruders.

RJ: *sigh* There aren't any intruders.


I went downstairs and took a quick look around. We had painted the hallway the weekend before and my first instinct was that one of the pictures had fallen off the wall. But it wasn't a crash sound it was definitely a thud. As I walked around the corner into the kitchen and flicked on the lights I saw the puddle of deep red liquid pooling around the bottom of the pantry. My first thought, IT'S BLOOD! My second thought, from what you silly girl?

Slowly I circled the growing puddle and opened the pantry doors. There on the second shelf from the bottom was a very misshaped half blown open bottle of POM juice. The juice had covered the bottom three shelves and their contents. There was juice spray on the side of the kitchen island and the fridge. What a mess. I grabbed the paper towels and wash cloth (what I wouldn't give for a Sham-WOW) and started to soak up the juice. Half way through cleaning up I thought about grabbing my camera.

It took us close to a 1/2 hour to finish cleaning up. All the while I thought how strange it was that it took 4 days for the bottle to explode. It was dropped on Saturday. It was a think bottle so I guess the pressure had to build up to break through. It was odd how one side of the bottle had ballooned out. That must have been the part that struck the pavement and weakened. Oh well, live and learn. Neither RJ nor I had noticed the misshaped bottle. Or had we......

Stay tuned for Post 3: The End or what I like to call The Confession

A Story in 3 Posts ~ The Begining

October 11th, 9am, Zehrs parking lot.

As we headed back to the car with our second set of groceries reality was setting in, I was not going to find MY brand of stuffing. The previous two grocery stores were out of stock and I was silently hoping that the third and final store in the area would have the ONLY stuffing I know how to make. Yes that's right, my stuffing comes from a box. So be it.

I opened the car door and set my bags on the already full back seat. RJ was doing the same on the passenger side. After I closed my door and got in the car I heard a 'thud' coming from RJ's side. Something heavy had fallen out of a bag and onto the pavement.

K: What was that? What dropped?

RJ: uh (looking around) oh, it was your prune juice, Grandma.

K: It's not prune juice! It's pomegranate juice. It's good for you.

RJ: Right.

K: It is. Did you check it? It isn't leaking all over my back seat is it?

RJ: It's alright. Let's get going.


Later at home (BTW no luck with the stuffing) while putting away the groceries, I quickly realized that fridge space was going to be at a premium this weekend and decided that the unopened POM juice would have to go in the pantry until after Thanksgiving. And there is sat, on the second last shelf, not thought of for days. Until unexpectedly on Tuesday night...


Stay tuned for Post 2 ~ The Middle.

Green Bananas

Scene: Produce department at local grocery store

K: Do you want Mac apples?
RJ: Yeah.
K: Okay you get those and I’ll…oh, the bananas are green, yeah!, I’ll grab those.
Walking back I see the smirk on RJ's face.
K: What? What are you thinking?
RJ: I was living a ‘Dexter’ moment in my head. “How can she get so excited about green bananas. Why can’t I be excited? If I had a heart it would probably be excited about green bananas too”
K: You have serious issues.
RJ: I know.

p.s. I did 'Yeah' quite loudly in the produce department for the green bananas. But you see, they're always too ripe. It was a nice little shopping bonus. Score 1 for Karen.